Archives for November 2011

My purse is a disaster and I wear my clothes inside out.

A lot changes when you have a baby. Your body. Your hormones. Your time to yourself. YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE. I was really giving this some thought today as I looked through my purse. Let me explain.

Before Bella my purse looked like this: makeup. phone. keys. wallet.

After Bella my purse looks like this: Makeup (still need to carry that around cause odds are I didn’t have time to put it on the morning). Phone (covered in sticky fingerprints from where Bella has played with it. My silicone cover has also been chewed on.) Keys. Wallet (which is a complete disaster because Bella likes to dig through it.) Juice cup. Smashed crackers and Cheerios and other food particles I can’t identify. Random bath tub toys, I don’t know why but she keeps shoving them in there. Deodorant, because like the makeup, I sometimes forget or don’t have time to put it on in the morning. I also tend to get sweatier and smellier than I used to because my hormones have been messed up ever since giving birth. Carrying around a toddler and all her gear on a daily basis also causes one to sweat more than usual. 2nd deodorant because I seem to forgotten that I put the fist one in there.

So I think that I’ve covered that I’ve lost a bit of my memory and also the energy to really care about my appearance. Let’s talk about that for a second.

The other day, around 9 PM, I wandered into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I stared at my image in the mirror for a moment thinking that something wasn’t quite right. Thats when I realized that my shirt was on inside out. I had been wearing that shirt all day long. Super.

When you have a child, they become the most important thing in your life. I don’t shop for myself anymore. I shop for Bella. I don’t care if I’m hungry anymore, if she’s hungry, she gets fed first. And my poor cat….oh….my poor cat.

Before Bella, our cat, Kitty, was our baby. Jesus and I used to take pictures of him and text them to each other. We would be like; “How’s Kitty? What’s Kitty doing? Send me a picture!” We would dress him up in outfits. We let him sleep with us. After Bella everything changed. We still love Kitty. We still pay attention to him, but I DO NOT want that cat sleeping with us anymore. Sleep is important, I don’t get much of it and that cat wakes me up biting my toes. Licking my face. Giving himself a bath. Drinking out of the toilet. Jesus often comes to bed after me and sometimes he leaves our bedroom door open and I have to be like “SHUT THAT DOOR.” Sometimes I give in and let Kitty sleep with us out of pity but I usually end up regretting it because he wakes me up at least 3 times.

Tonight I was on my laptop and Kitty came and sat beside me and I was stroking his head and talking to him, “You’re such a pretty boy. Such a handsome boy, aren’t you Mr. Kitty?” Eventually he tired of it and wandered away as cats often do and I called after him, “Bella where are you going….er….KITTY, I mean.” I swear he turned and gave me a look. I just don’t give him the same attention I did before I had Bella and he knows it. I’m pretty sure that 90% of the time he’s grateful for it. He hated wearing outfits.

If you are planning on having a baby or are currently pregnant, please don’t let me scare you. Babies do change your life. You will be sleep deprived. Sometimes your house will be a wreck and you won’t have the energy to care. They will throw Cherrios all over your car and spill their juice everywhere. They will ruin expensive outfits within seconds. You will sometimes get peed, pooped or puked on. Sometimes you will dig through their poop when it looks “suspicious”. (TMI? Yeah probably.) They will make messes as fast as you can clean them up. They will throw tantrums. They will break things that are important to you….but you will love every minute of it. Maybe not at the time, but overall, you will. It’s worth it.

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Protected: Boy you got my heart beat running away….

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Babymakin’

I’ve been thinking lately, and by no means does this mean that Jesus and I have a baby in the works. BY NO MEANS. That will not be for another year at LEAST. I need to sell my car and buy a new one and we need to boost Bella’s savings account for a while for her education, no excuses. I’m also looking into getting my Masters….so that might also come first. Planning first, not impulses people. Don’t have babies cause you have a tickling of baby fever. Make sure you can support them and give them a life that they will be comfortable in and proud of. That’s just me on my soap box.

Anyway though, what I have been thinking about is the PLAN for our next child. Do I want to find out the sex? Do I want to choose a name ahead of time?

Let me be clear: I admire people that let their baby be a surprise. When I was growing up, thats what I wanted. I couldn’t fathom why people would want to find out the sex of their child. Now that I’ve experienced a pregnancy….I completely understand. I couldn’t wait. I wanted to know and also I wanted to start picking outfits and decorating the room. Greens and yellows were not for me, folks. If it would have been a boy his room would have been blue and yellow with dinosaurs. That would not have been appropriate since I had a girl. If I would have waited until the baby was born….I never would have gotten the room put together the way that I wanted. 21 months later and I’m STILL sleep deprived. Do you think I REALLY would have had time for decorating if I hadn’t done it before she was born? Yeah…no. So, I’m glad I found out the sex. With the next one, I will probably do the same thing. Maybe. It’s like….70% to 30%. But what I HAVE decided, for sure, regardless of if I find out the sex or not, is that I will not tell the name. I really didn’t want to tell Bella’s name when I was pregnant with her. I really kind of didn’t actually. I told people that was the name I was THINKING about. I didn’t tell anyone a middle name at all until the day she was born. But all the time people were like “What are you having? What’s her name, what’s her name, WHAT’S HER NAME??!??!?”

Next time, I’m not even telling people what I’m considering. That way, if I find out the sex, at least I’m keeping SOME of it personal. At least I’m leaving SOME of it as a surprise. For me, and I don’t mean this to be insulting, at all; when you already know the name, and the sex, and the due date…..theres really very little left that is exciting. It’s like OH? You had your kid? Well….what did it weigh and shit? So, next time, I’m not telling, and everyone can just sweat it. Also, I’m pretty unsure of what my kid’s name will be anyway. To be honest: I know I say that I didn’t tell anyone Bella’s middle name until she was born, but the truth is, until I SAW her, I wasn’t entirely sure myself. I wasn’t even 100% sure about her first name until I saw her, either. That’s really why I was so secretive. There’s something slightly strange to me about naming the kid in your womb before seeing them. And again, that is not an insult to anyone, at all, ever. I just don’t feel comfortable being like: “Hey, kid in my uterus. Your name is Jimmy Ray. CUZ I like it.”

I had names I liked and when Bella was delivered and I held her for the first time, I looked into her eyes and was like, “You are Isabella Claire,” there was something very special about that. I wasn’t locked in to a name from a bunch of personalized stuff I had received at baby showers. I had the ability to change my mind. She was almost a Maribel. Like — close. I had the freedom to choose, and that made it special.

On the topic of babies, and protecting the element of surprise: I’m not getting one of those 3D/4D ultra sounds with my next pregnancy either. I think thats just a big fat waste of like $100 bucks anyway and I didn’t get it done with Bella either. How about we find out the sex, AND name the baby, AND see what it looks like before it gets here? Once again, not an insult to anyone, just an opinion. Some people can’t stand the anticipation and I get that. That’s why I chose to find out the sex.

But seeing my baby for the first time those seconds after birth? For the FIRST, FIRST time, without any preconceived images and expectations, and finally deciding on her name based on her appearance and the way that she felt in my arms?

Priceless.

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