Your teenager is an idiot…..because they’re a teenager.

The other day I was talking to a friend about what we would and would not let our teenagers do (when my child actually becomes a tenneager, obviously) and I had some stories to tell because I was a DAMN IDIOT when it came to being a teenager. But in my defense, so were most of friends, where do you think I learned it from? Will Bella be an idiot as a teenager? Oh, most certainly, because her mother was. And now, I am going to offer an example, and it’s going to be something that I have never told my parents and they are going to read this post and be like ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? Because truly, this is something that has stuck in my mind for a very long time.

When I was 16, I went on a Florida vacation with my parents and some of their friends and their kids. I brought along a friend of mine and all was good and well and family vacation-y. On one of our vacation days we went to a water park and my friend met some COLLEGE AGE BOYS and we agreed to meet them later that night outside their hotel on the beach. That night, off we went, telling my parents we were just heading out to the beach for a walk, which we were but we didn’t mention we were going to walk MILES down that damn beach to find the hotel of our 20 something year old pals. It was like, the longest walk ever. We met up with our companions, hung out on the beach and in the ocean and whatever (it was actually quite boring and neither my friend or I ended up liking any of the guys) and then it got late and started to rain. And our college aged friends did not have a car to take us back to our hotel because they were total losers obviously on vacation with their parents who were asleep. So you know what we did? WE GOT A RIDE HOME WITH THE 30 SOMETHING YEAR OLD HOTEL JANITOR. And he totally drove some kind of white utility creepy rape van. But we were all like “YAY, a ride home, we don’t have to walk in the rain!”


We didn’t get raped or anything, I guess he wasn’t a creeper, but he could have been. We got in some older man’s van at like 1 AM and trusted him to just take us back to our hotel. Are you freaking kidding me? Did I really do that? I mean I had been educated on stranger danger. But he seemed nice and helpful, it didn’t even occur to me that I could get in some stranger’s van and be raped and slaughtered. That kind of thing totally happens.

My point is, never trust your teenager. They are an idiot, not because they’re just a straight up idiot, they could be quite gifted. I was on honor roll and went to CHURCH CAMP. But I was still drinking occasionally (gasp) in high school and getting in stranger’s vans, because I was 16 and stupid. Teenagers are idiots simply because they are teenagers and they don’t know what in the world  is going on. Don’t “pray that they will make the right decisions”. They will do stupid stuff and if you don’t set boundaries and expectations, you could end up with a dead kid on your hands.

Maybe I’m preaching, I only have a 2 year old. I don’t know what it’s like to have a defiant teenager yet, but I can tell you one thing, I know what I was like. So I’m going to know what to look for. Bella is going to hate her life as a 16 year old.

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