Archives for May 2013

MAMA

Throughout my child’s life she hasn’t really favored one parent over the other. Sometimes she seems to exhibit a preference for daddy during playtime because he does things like flip her around and toss her in the air, something I don’t do for 2 reasons. The first of those reasons being that I lack the upper body strength to do so and the second one being that I’m terrified of it. I think daddies tend to be more adventurous, care free and wild while moms tend to be the cautious ones.

Lately though, my child seems to have developed a preference for me which at first I enjoyed because I could say: “HA, HUSBAND! SHE LIKES ME MORE!” But now I’m starting to have second thoughts because I’m not sure that she actually FAVORS me or instead just desires that I do or assist her with everything while she just uses daddy as a snuggle and play companion. When Bella wakes up in the middle of the night or at the crack of dawn, who does she come wake up? ME. When she wants a snack, who does she ask? ME. Anything she needs to do or wants to do, she requests me for. “MAMA DO IT, ” she declares. Mama make the snack. Mama tuck me in. Mama give me bath. Mama take me to the bathroom, (this one kind of makes sense because she IS a girl, so when we are out it only makes sense to take me because I am also a girl.) Mama find my lovey. Mama wash my sheets. Mama put the cat out. Mama help me clean my spilled juice. MAMA MAMA MAMA. How many times can one three year old say “Mama” in one day? I’m seriously thinking about counting. I remember the days that I desperately wanted her to say it, to say “Mama.” I would repeat it to her over and over, “MA-MA. SAY MA-MA. MAMA. MAMA. MAMA.” And when she finally started saying it, it was music to my ears and I would demand more. “Say it again, say it again, ” I would plead. I can’t help but think that I set myself up for this. It’s still music to my ears, but sometimes that music is really whiny and bossy.

Have to go. Someone is yelling “Mama.”

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Annoying my child when she is on the “phone”.

Last night Bella and I were in the car on the way to my parents. Bella was talking both to me and to herself like she always does. She’s a chatterbox, that one. Then I heard her saying,”RING! RING! RING! Hello?” I looked back and realized she was using her empty snack cup as a telephone. She went on like that for awhile, pretending to talk on the phone. She called her daddy, her grandmother and her friend Nellie. Then she said ,”Mommy, talk to me.” I thought she wanted me to talk because she was now “calling” me. So I said, “Hello, Bella, how are you?” And she said, “Mommy, I’m on the phone, I’m talking to Daddy. Be quiet. Shhhhhh.”

That’s when I was like: Oh I see what we’re doing here.

The next 2 or 3 minutes went something like this:

Me: “Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella.”

Bella: “Mommy, shhhhhhhhhh!”

Me: “Bella. Bella. I want to play. Bella. Bella. Bella. I’m thirsty. Bella. Bella. Bella. Talk to me. Bella Bella.”

Bella: “I’M ON THE PHONE, MOMMY!”

Me: “Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Where are we going? What are we doing? Who are you talking to? I’m hungry. I’m so hungry. I want ice cream. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella.”

Bella: “MOMMY, BE QUIET!”

I think she quickly learned that this game was not as fun as she thought it would be.

 

 

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What I want to happen when I am shopping with my kid.

Years ago when I was working retail or waiting tables, I didn’t get it.

I would encounter a mom (or a dad) with their child(ren) and I would try and talk to them. I would try to engage them in conservation. I would be overly friendly and conversational because that’s what I thought they wanted. I would ask them questions and then I would have to repeat myself three or four times. I was confused when they would stare back at me like I was speaking a foreign language. I didn’t get it. But now I do.

Today I took Bella to the grocery store. I kind of loathe this, but with a husband that works two jobs, I do it a lot. I do most of my shopping, in any store, with her by myself. The trip went surprisingly well today. It doesn’t always go so well. What I mean by “it went well” is that she stayed in the shopping cart but made me take her to the bathroom twice, whined for orange Tic Tacs and chattered at me the entire time. “What’s that mama? Why is it there? Look at that. Look! Hot dogs. I like hot dogs. Look, theres a grandma! Hi, grandma! When we leave I want to get ice cream. With gummy bears. And I want to go home and watch Dora. In Mama’s bed. Where is daddy? Is daddy at work? Can we go to the playground to play with the guys? And the park, can we go to the park? Can I get a hot dog? And ice cream? With gummy bears? Where is my Moosey? I need to poop.” Sometimes, okay most of the time, I don’t get all of it. I just nod and say: “Really, baby? Yes, honey. Okay. That’s AWESOME!” I’ve learned that if I don’t say something she starts doing this: “Mama. Mama. Mama. MAMA. MOMMY. MOMMY. MOM. MOM. MOM.” I try to listen to her and engage in conversation but the chatter is constant and all over the place sometimes I just wish there was a mute button.

By the time we got to check out, even though she was in good spirits, I was just ready to get out of there. But alas, check out is always a pain, especially at this particular grocery store where they train their employees to be SUPER FRIENDLY AWESOME FOREVER TIMES, which, really, is great. I get that. I mean, I hate to go into a place where people ignore you or seem grumpy, like they want to spit on you or slit their wrists, but there is a line between kind and welcoming and CRAWLING ALL OVER YOU. These people crawl all over you, and when you are a parent with a 3 year old, it makes you want to punch one of them in the face.

There was the checkout girl that had to ask me like 10 questions, just chatty and small talky:

“Did you find everything you needed?”

“What are you guys up to today?”

“Do you think it’s going to rain anymore?”

My answers were kind of distracted and vague, not because I disliked her or because I was trying to be rude, but because I WAS distracted:

“Um. Yes.”

“Not much just errands.”

“Um. Maybe, not sure.”

Then she started talking to me about some show she’s been watching. Meanwhile, Bella was trying to climb out of the cart, so I let her down. Then she was chattering at me and trying to steal Tic Tacs and asking to open a pack of raisins I had just bought and then trying to climb onto the rack underneath the shopping cart, which she has done before and smashed her fingers under the wheel so I started trying to yank her out from underneath there. Check out girl was still chattering at me, and so was the girl bagging the groceries who started asking me if I want this in a bag with that or whatever and all I could think was: “I REALLY DON’T GIVE A ^&$#@$% just shove it in the cart so I can get out of here.” And then the manager came over and started asking me questions about Bella while I was trying to listen to checkout girl, and bagging girl, and a still chattering Bella. The manager was asking me about Bella’s age and complimenting her cuteness, which is all good and fine and kind, if I weren’t trying to handle a small child and pay and listen to what the other two employees were telling me at the same time. I ended up running my credit card by mistake, I meant to use my debit card, and then I was trying to enter a pin number, but it didn’t need a pin number, because it was the credit card so it declined, but I didn’t notice because everyone was TALKING TO ME and I just wanted to leave. Manager lady was still talking to me and Bella was starting to whine and the checkout girl was trying to get my attention and when she finally did she was WHISPERING (no wonder I didn’t hear her the first few times) at me. She whispered, “Did you see what it says?” and I was like “WHAT?” and she was like (still whispering) “Your card didn’t go through.” And that’s when I wanted to lose my mind and scream that she didn’t need to WHIPSER at me and that she could SPEAK UP because it wasn’t going to embarrass me because the card didn’t actually decline, it’s just that I had run the wrong card because I couldn’t concentrate with my preschooler harassing me and all these freaking employees climbing all over me. But I didn’t say any of that because I didn’t want to act like a crazy person, so I was just like “Oh so sorry, my bad! I used the wrong card, silly me!” A minute later, though, I did kind of snap when they asked me 3 times about helping me with my shopping cart to my car (now you know what grocery store I’m talking about, don’t you? :))The third time I told them no I basically shouted: “NO THANK YOU, I SERIOUSLY CAN HANDLE IT!”

I don’t want all of this to sound like I want people to just leave me the eff alone when I am shopping with my preschooler, but really, that’s exactly what I’m saying. My life is a tornado every day and it consists of little hands reaching for things and eager questions constantly. So stop chatting me up because I can’t focus on you. Stop harassing me with your credit card opportunities or sales pitches because I can’t hear you and I don’t care. I am just trying to get out of the grocery store (or any store) in one piece, with my sanity.

 

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What it’s like to have a 3 year old.

The title of this post is self explanatory.
Here are the things that Bella has been up to, which may account for my lack of a real post:
  • Beating the locks on the pantry, fridge and front door until they pop off. Baby proofing has become totally useless.
  • Stuffing our cat into a butterfly net.
  • Making me play hide and seek with her and her stuffed lovey (“Moose”) for hours on end. The moose hides and then we find him. I play with her and I do it enthusiastically, but that damn Moose hides in the same spot every time, which is under the covers in her bed. That moose needs to be more creative.
  • Cutting open a stress ball because she “Wanted to see what was insideeeeeeee.”
  • Refusing to eat dinner and asking for ice cream instead because she says it is “too-licious”.  She can say “delicious” so I don’t know why she has to decided to call ice cream “too-licious” instead, but I suspect it’s because she thinks it’s extra delicious and it needed a little extra umpth. I can’t say that I disagree with this logic.
  • Insisting she get to wear one of her father’s t-shirts over her own clothes. He is an average size adult man and she is a 36 pound 3 year old. The shirt fits her like a muumuu. She puts one on and then wanders around our neighborhood like a tiny little homeless person. She also shouts at anyone that will listen that she’s hungry. She isn’t actually hungry, I just stopped buying cheese cubes and she’s convinced I’m starving her. The reality is that I’m just concerned about her digestive tract.
  • Spilling cat food all over the kitchen floor and then covering it with a blanket. Out of sight, out of mind. She definitely gets this from her father. He tries to hide things under blankets all the time.

Now that I think about it, I’m quite certain that she gets ALL of these things from her father.

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