Archives for April 2014

Motherhood- why I did it.

I have friends that have kids. I have friends that don’t.

I have friends that have zero desire to have children and I’m down with that. You shouldn’t have them if you don’t want them or need them in your life to feel complete.

However, I, personally, always wanted to be a mom. It was probably the one thing I always knew. Career wise, I wanted to be a teacher, an actress, a writer. Probably a writer more than anything else, that’s obvious, why else would this blog exist? But most of all, I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have a family, I wanted to have that bond, I wanted that guarantee that when I was old, there would be people around at the holidays and grand babies.

I never thought it would be easy. I baby sat. I was a server and had screaming kids at my tables every single day. I heard the horror stories from other moms. When I was pregnant, I knew what was to come was sleepless nights and giving up life as I knew it. I knew there would be vomit and poop and an insane amount of temper tantrums. Obviously, I didn’t fully understand how those things would play out until I actually had children. I didn’t know that there would be potty training regression and fear of bowel movements. I didn’t know how infuriating a preschooler could be in a battle of wits when they try, with every ounce of their being, to exert their independence. I didn’t know what years of sleep deprivation would feel like. But do you know what I truly didn’t understand at all?

What love feels like.

Until I had children, I don’t think I really knew what it was to love. Sure, I love my parents. I love my sister. I love my husband. I love my friends. But I .LOVE. my children. Who would I die for? Who would I throw myself in front of a bus for? My kids. All those other people? Maybe. I don’t know. I love them a lot but I would probably have to weigh the options. I’m just being serious. My kids? I don’t even have to think about it, not even for a fraction of a second.

My children have taught me how to feel, how to be compassionate. I cry a lot more these days and it’s either because my hormones are out of whack from childbirth or just because I’m a better person that is more sensitive to everything and everyone else around me.

So that’s what I have to say to the folks that don’t want kids and don’t know why anyone would. They make my life complete. They make me feel. They make me love. I felt before. I loved before. But did I REALLY? It’s a completely different experience now. They bring me joy in ways that I never could have imagined possible. They also INFURIATE me to extents that I never thought imaginable but you have to take the good with the bad. Nothing is ever perfect, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything else in this world.

So like I said, I’m down with folks that don’t want to have the babies. Not everyone should, trust me. It requires sacrifices and a whole lot of patience. But for me, it’s totally worth it. It has grounded me and I don’t, even for one minute, want to go back to my childless care free days. They’re nice to remember, and I cherish those memories and I am glad that they exist. But I don’t want to go back there because this is so, so much better. The joy that I experienced on my own was just ME, ME, ME. MY vacations. MY experiences. MY happiness. MINE. Things for me!!! Now, it’s mostly about things for my kids. And that may sound like it sucks, but it’s so much more satisfying than ME, ME, ME.  It’s a lot more work, and it’s a lot less me, but it means so much more. The excitement and happiness on my children’s faces is worth 10,000 times more than a new pair of shoes for me, or a trip to the Bahamas, or a night out on the town drinking over priced drinks. It’s so much more than that.

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