Archives for May 2014

My kid has ears.

I sometimes forget that my 4 year old can hear and understand things.

For instance, the other day my mom and I were having a conversation over dinner while Bella sat at the table with us. Something like this was said about someone: “He was probably good looking once, but now he always has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he has really bad teeth.”

Then Bella said; “Why does he have bad teeth?”

Things like this happen all the time. I say things (but for the record, it wasn’t me that said it this time, it happened to be my mom, JUST SAYIN’)  in front of her and then realize she’s listening to me and it’s like “Oh..there you are..with you ears..that hear things.”

The best part about it is that when you say something in front of her about someone, it’s pretty much a given that she is going to repeat whatever it is she heard to that person the next time that she sees them. So if I’m ever avoiding you when I’m with my child, there might be a reason.

 

*For the record, I explained to Bella that he probably has bad teeth because he doesn’t brush them and eats too much candy because I’m not above resorting to scare tactics.

 

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How I got some peace and quiet at dinnertime

It’s funny that whenever I try to get my daughter to do something, like get her clothes on so we can leave the house, it’s hard to drag her away from whatever she is doing. She’s always playing with a toy, or a game, or watching a show. But when I’m trying to find just 5 minutes, JUST FIVE MINUTES, of peace, I can’t distract her with anything.

This evening I fed both kids around 5:30. Then I entertained them, bathed them, laid out clothes for tomorrow, folded laundry, swept the kitchen, vacuumed the living room <insert a long list of other menial household chores here>. I finally tried to sit down to shove some food in my own face around 8 and I could not get Bella to leave me alone:

“Mommy, come look at this.”

“Mommy, look what I did!”

“Mommy, I need your help!”

“Mommy, I want some more juice. ”

“Mommy, come help me reach this. ”

“Mommy, come play this game with me. ”

“MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY .”

I tried giving her a puzzle, legos, her princess castle. I tried putting on a tv show she likes and giving her the iPad. She wasn’t having any of it. Finally I told her mommy just wanted 5 MINUTES to sit down and eat something and asked her what it would take to get her to sit down and be quiet.

She said, “I want you open this ketchup packet, squirt it on this napkin, and let me eat it with my fingers.”

You know what? You got it, kiddo.

photo 1-2 photo 2-2 photo 3-2

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Things I became when I became a mother

When I became a mother, I also became lots of other things, like a nervous wreck, a sleep deprived maniac, and a Pinterest addicted psycho. But for real, here are some things I have become since I became a mother:

 

A napkin

If my child does not have somewhere to wipe her hands, she’s probably going to use me.

A maid

My child is pretty good about picking up after herself, at least in our own household where she knows what the rules are. That doesn’t mean that I’m not having to pick up little “Bella piles” that are scattered about the house (or where ever we go) sometimes. I fold her laundry and empty her trash and wash her dishes. As she gets older I hope to give her more chores and make her my own maid, er, little helper.

A jungle gym

My child climbs all over me like I am her own personal playground.

A nurse

I take temperatures, monitor rashes, and trick them into taking medicine. I hold hair back while they vomit and clean said vomit out of their clothes, off my couch, out of my bathtub, off the floors and walls and out of my car. I do a lot of things that pertain to vomit. I bandage boo boos and clean up blood and inspect and treat insects bites and stings. Last week I removed a tick from the back of my oldest child’s ear.

A broken record

“Bella, no.” “Bella, no.” “Bella, no.” “Bella, no.” “Put on your shoes.” “Put on your shoes.” “Put on your shoes.” “Put on your shoes.” “Don’t lick that.” “Don’t lick that.” “Don’t lick that.” “Don’t lick that.” I get on my own nerves.

A teacher

We teach them every day but as they get older, they ask more questions. “Where does the sun go at night?” “Why do dogs have four legs?”  “Where do my boogers come from?” “Why is my hair brown?” I have to come up with answers to these questions.  I read to her. I’ve taught her about colors and animals and shapes. We’re working on the alphabet and numbers and how to write her name. I also teach her not to stick her hands in the toilet and not to eat gum she found stuck underneath the table at Chili’s. These are important life lessons.

A chauffeur

Well, this one is pretty self explanatory. My children can’t drive, so I cart them everywhere: school, doctor’s office, playground, dance lessons, summer camp. I spend more time running my children around than I do driving myself places that *I* need to go.

 

I’m sure there are other things. What jobs have you taken on since becoming a mother?

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