Archives for December 2014

Late night thoughts on motherhood.

When my kids are grown and don’t come into my room before dawn and crawl into bed with me, will I miss it? Will I miss those tiny little bodies snuggled against me under the covers on a cold winter morning before the sun rises? My answer right now may change by 5AM tomorrow morning. 

Sometimes I struggle to get out of the house because my oldest daughter insists on a kiss and a hug no less than five times. “Mama,” she will say, “Another hug?” A few minutes later: “Wait! Another kiss, too?” This morning I found myself saying, “Bella, how many times are we going to do this?”

Why? Why did I say that? How many times are we going to do this, indeed. These requests will be short lived, I’m sure. One day she will be a dreaded teenager saying, “Don’t TOUCH me,” and then what? All I will have left are these memories, these memories of when she was so small, and so sweet and demanded hugs and kiss constantly. I have to remind myself of this frequently, specifically when she is climbing me like a tree and acting like she would like to wear me like an article of clothing. I think my children would climb right back into my womb if they were given the opportunity.

So many times, I find myself just counting down the minutes to bedtime. Can I put them down 15 minutes early? Will they notice? The screaming. The needing. The wanting. Mama! Mama! Mama! They test my patience more than I thought they would. The exhaust me more than I thought they would. My life is not my own, it’s theirs. Worrying. Planning. Making. Doing. Rocking. Feeding. Bathing. Wiping. Crying- sometimes them, sometimes me. Motherhood isn’t always pretty. It’s often emotional, exhausting, lonely, and sometimes very ugly. It’s the most selfless thing I have ever done, to give so much of myself to these two tiny humans.

Sometimes I feel so needed that I wish I could just press a pause button and take a few minutes. No one saying my name. No one crying. No one asking questions. No one touching me.

But one day, when I am not so needed, will I miss it? I imagine I will.

 

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The Little Dog and the Witch

Bella has started to draw pictures, and then she will dictate a story to me about her picture and ask me to write it on the back. In case you are interested, here is one of her recent stories, along with its picture:

 

Bella calls this one "The Little Dog and the Witch".

I find it curious that this story is calling “The Little Dog and the Witch,” but yet I see no dog.

 

The story:

The Little Dog and the Witch

A long time ago, one little dog was in the forest and his mom told him it was time for bed, but he thought she said he could have a few more minutes. He tried to find his mom, but she turned into a witch, so he ran away, but Frosty the Snowman came and he turned his mom, the witch, into snow. Then, the puppy went home and found his real mom. The witch was a fake mom. And the puppy told Frosty the Snowman thank you. The end.

 

Clearly, this is a future bestseller.

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